crush.ed?

So I have had NO appetite lately;
and im so very tired.
and i feel crushed right now just because he didnt text me last night.
Ian and Sarah think im depressed. Maybe by body is and my mind just doesnt tell me these things.
It's probably normal to be feeling like this after a break up of 2 years n 2 months.
But it is what i wanted right?
Idek.
But i am missing my crush; thats bad too.
Single life has its up n down. *sigh*
Big, biggg SIGH.

I feel you

I just want to say, he is SO cute. his personality, he makes me smile.

This is so bad. I have never felt this way through out my relationship.

Well; i did when it was way younggg.. When i cheated "/

Well I really think I am going to end it. And i feel so bad about it.

But like JAM said... 

"Dont worry about him. You got to do what makes you happy girl. You know? Don't be scared of change. I bet you will be happier. You feel me?"

Yes. I feel you.

p.s. Merry Christmas <3

mixed feelings

So, He texted me
Just wanna say, i couldn't stop smiling, lol.
and we are still texting. He borrowed a phone from a friend who lives down the street, JUST so he could text me tonight. Isn't that cute? :P
I'd have to say hes a little flirty. I wonder if he likes me..
He asked me if I liked him, but im so dodging the question.
Truth is, I dont know. I have a boyfriend.
To be honest, i think I am mainly still with the boyfriend because im scared of change. Its going on 26 months. Like shittt; i am all he has. how am i supposed to take that away?
Fuckkk me.

i need more followers.

I wish that my father was gone for the night, because what i'd really like to do is get super highh, BLAST my music, and sing at the top of my lungs.

Sounds pretty perfect right now.

I had a pretty intense dream last night, and it felt like it lasted the whole night. I liked it.

I really love to dream. It is so much fun; at least if I remember them in the morning. I am lucky enough to remember at least like one most mornings.

Maybe if I have a really sweettt one, I will post it on here (:
That may be fun. I did a dream diary for school, and it is pretty cool to write them down.

So, christmas is soon and that makes me excited <3

I love christmas time. The lights, the music, the gifts, the family...I even like the jingglers that stand in the front of department stores, wanting donations. 

And also; ten days after christmas is my 18th birthday! Im so fucking excited.

I plan on getting a peircing, some tattoos, and making a stop to shakedown to buy myself a bowl, as well as getting some lotto tickets. I am pumped. PLUS, i'm bout to be legalllllll. hah.

joking guys.(being jenna...)

Speaking of that, i need more followers...

that'd be cool. 

SO..get at itt (:

ya knoww..

So today.. I found an excuse to go to work and see Joey; but I was let down.
You see, I was with my boyfriend and joey does not like tyler too much. This is why;

When i started working at KFC, Joey kind of seemed into me. He even got my phone number out of the works office, and started texting me. It was kind of funny, but then he found out that i had a boyfriend and things kind of melted. He seemed mad, and eventually stopped texting me. Then one night, he was really pissed (which happens often, hes an angry man.), and he seen tyler in my car and thought for some reason he was talking shit about him. I think it was just so he'd have an excuse, other than jealousy, to not like him.

Well, I kind of wish he would text me again.. but he has no phone at the moment.

But umm, joey kind of avoids me when tyler is there.. Bad move on my part.

 Again, it isnt that i like the kid.. I just am interested in him. If that makes sense.

Tyler & I almost broke up last night..

Its not that i do not love him, but I feel like i need some independence right now.. Thats the LAST thing i get when im with him.

But well; i talked to him about it and it didnt go so well. I still don't know what i want.

It sucks.

I wish i could talk to Joey about it.

Confused.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years; but i am lacking the excitement in my life that is pretty much mandatory for a 17 (almost 18) year old. Maybe this is why I constantly flirt with this guys at work, and catch myself thinking and even dreaming of him.. Wishing i had an excuse to see him on the days we do not work together.. Its not like I want to be with this guy. He is clearly kind of a failure at life, not going too far.. and he isnt the best looking guy, but yet.. I don't know. I love my boyfriend, I do. I can't even imagine not having him in my life. 

At the same time, I want to have fun. 
Its pretty shitty. I don't really know what I want, at the moment. 
If life could go how i wanted, I would leave my boyfriend now, have fun with flirting and not worry about it coming to bite me in the ass, then when I'm around 24, I could go back to my boyfriend, Get married, and have babies. 
Is thinking this wrong? Am I a horrible person? 
I feel like If i really love Tyler, I probably wouldn't even be thinking about other guys.. Yet again, I AM SO YOUNG! I mean...
what the hell. Its kind of terrible. 


What should I do about this situation? shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
And here I am, still feeling annoyed with my boyfriend because he is clingy and always all over me, while I am thinking about a different boy, and how I wish I could talk to HIM.. That's kind of fucked up. Maybe I am just delaying the big BANG.. I dont fucking know
but yeahh; This is just me RANTING. idfkwtd.

You'll Never forget.

It's always sad when someone you know,
becomes someone you knew
Its even harder when that person
was someone you were close to.

It also is horrible keeping it all in
Like all of the feelings you feel
and you can't even let them out.
and it turns into a big deal.

And those feelings just wont let it go.
They come up all the time,
like when you hear some song
or you say a rhyme.

Even if you are happy,
with your life since the split,
Everything can come back with vengence
and you will take a hit.

It won't go away,
and it won't hide its face
and all of a sudden you are missing someone;
but they are gone without a trace.

It is hard to deal with
and yet, it will never go away
and all of the feelings your feeling,
you can't even say.

Because no one can know,
Half won't agree & the others won't care
and the ache you may be having,
you can not share.

You really are happy with how you are now,
but part of the past will never fade
and besides, he's with her now
so good lives have been made.

but still there is that SOMETHING
You'll never forget
but thinking back on everything
It's still not something you regret.

If i could take back one moment...

If i could take back one moment,
so thered be an end to the torment,
I'd take back the time that i gave in
and I wouldnt have let you win
And we wouldnt have been okay
and there would have been nothing you could say
so that i would take you back
because theres something you lack
and that is something i need
im not talking out of greed
but you really let me down
so my lips make a permanent frown.
I have little trust for you
No matter the good things you do
No matter how good we are
It doesnt come up to par
because i should not have forgaven you
i should have said "we're throguh"
But, i didn't because i'm weak
and now my heart has a leak
from the hole you ripped through it;
something i won't soon forget.